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Anger Bank Kiosks make a big splash in Splash City
by Martin Doneright
Angry people are waiting in line all day long in all types of weather to visit one. What's the attraction? It looks like there are plenty of pissed off people with plenty to be pissed off about.
"Anger banks - or Automated Temper Machines - are the best way to calm the raw nerves of the people within the Abusement Park in dealing with corruption and greed." Anger banks is the brain child of Ursula Mindu, a Para-Psych working under Lisa Hearditall at UPop, who spends every day responding to people's frustrations. "There is a constant rumble of intense bickering about every injustice and annoyance you can possibly imagine." says Ms. Mindu. "These people have legitimate gripes and concerns, with nowhere to vent this anger. Many people are being diagnosed with depression and put on Promask at Humpty Hospital. My professor, Ms.Hearditall, considers their depression a symptom. She says they're oppressed, not depressed. Considering the level of powerless and hopelessness many are feeling, there is a huge market for this kind of thing these days."
Could she be on to something? To find out, I decided to give it a test drive. I ended up waiting in the rain in a very long line of rambunctious and upset people coming down from The Wall or from the Abusement Park. The anger is palpable. Some are even handed Punch Pillows to keep the peace and calm nerves. But when it was my turn, I discovered the appeal. One punch and I felt great, not only because I got my own gripe off my chest, but I felt even better knowing my deposit would go to a good cause. All the proceeds from the anger bank go to local charities, and you even get to pick which charity you would like your money to go to. I chose the Resoul Shoes Foundation. So it really looks like Ms. Mindu is on to something here. "I saw a way to bring relief in a healthy manner so people can begin to think about more important things in their lives. Otherwise they will be consumed in the small stuff which only ends up creating bigger problems."
Champagne, Laughter and... Yoga? by Martin Doneright
Miss Guided Light sees a huge opportunity in filling a dire need in Splash City, the need for more laughter. She is currently working on getting her certificate in laughter yoga from the Giggle Laughs Institute. "My new business will be called Mimosa Yoga," says Miss Light, explaining that she got the original idea after fantasizing about her idol, Mzzz. Pink.
"It was my birthday. I was sipping coffee at the Coffee Chop on the top of Bump Towers. My friend Ben T. Donethat, works there as a barista, and so another friend of mine, Vicki Pedia, and I hang out there. I wanted to start a business for a long time, but I just didn't know where to begin, even though my friend Justin Tide offered me space next to his surf shop by the pier, I just couldn't feel it. So, on this day, Vicki and I were reading an e-book online about how to start your own business, and suddenly Mzzz. Pink's neon pink chopper landed on the roof! She danced off the chopper like an angel, wearing these beautiful pink spiral heels, and holding a bottle of champagne. Vicki and I then spent the rest of the day online trying to find a knock-off pair of shoes, but none exist! Mzzz. Pink is one of a kind, Vicki said, and that's when it suddenly hit me! I asked myself what would Mzzz. Pink advise me to do about my new business? And I knew in an instant she would tell me to be unique. All I could think about was the bottle of champagne, and I could see bubbles of champagne mixing with bubbles of laughter in my yoga class!"
Splash City scientist wins coveted Business Sheek Award. by Martin Doneright
Al Chemi, a renowned chemist with the University of Pop, recently won a prestigious award with his new serendipitous discovery. But it wasn't in chemistry. Mr. Chemi won the coveted Business Sheek Award by finding a way to make money from an unlikely source, and claims his revolutionary idea that got him off his ladder and improves the cleanliness of our city is a totally green business. See full article Business Sheek Award
Downsized from Sizer Shoe Company
I was let go in a cost cutting measure. My company doesn’t understand,” said downsized Ralph Knottingham. “I was a shoe tier for 20 years at Sizer Shoe Company, one of a specialized trained team of shoe tiers. People don’t know how to tie their shoes anymore! Besides, my job was more than just tying shoes. I made people’s days. Start on a happy note. I made them laugh, listened to their problems, offered encouragement and support, and now these people don’t have me. My energy tying shoes made the walls of Ladder Village a happier place. Who knows what I can do now, maybe become a bow tier at a gift shop or something.”
IDENTITY THEFT in Splash City
Rock Enroller, the popular singer at the Tortoise Pub, loses his position on the wall.
"Losing my position was a cost cutting measure and I was replaced with one of those little electronic I-pods. When your position on the wall becomes your personal identity in the world, and then the position is eliminated, no matter the reason, you feel robbed of your identity. I never thought it would happen to me."